KKSNetwork™

Dear NASA.

I am extremely disappointed in you. I was excited about LCROSS mission ever since I first heard of it. I talked about it for days, and I was so excited I couldn’t sleep for weeks! I woke up at 5:00 AM this morning just to see the one of the greatest achievements in the history of science.

Imagine my disappointment when I looked up and saw that there was still a moon.

For years that sky-rock has been taunting us, sneering down at our petty achievements. Laughing on us. In 1969, we finally thought we had shown the pretentious dick who’s boss, when we went there and kicked it’s ass in person. But no it just had to go on controlling OUR tides! What is it, moon, do you think we can’t regulate our own tidal system, you just have to show us how its done, don’t you!?

But anyway, I’m getting off track. NASA, you need to right this wrong. You need to do what you wanted to do in the first place, and finish the job. Now, the story about looking for water was an interesting cover to silence the critics, but to be honest you need to be more like our lord and savior George W. Bush and stay the course.  Come clean, that way, you can get access to more nukes.

Now, there’s going to be critics, saying idiotic things like “We need a moon to regulate gravitational pull.” or “The debris from blowing up the moon would create meteors that would obliterate all life on earth.” You need to do the responsible thing, and ignore these people. Although these people may have fancy “degrees from prestigious universities” and “common sense” I have something they don’t. A good feeling about this.

So how are we gonna do this, you ask. Well it’s quite simple. Have you ever seen the movie Deep Impact? Pretty much they talk about how if you put explosives in the core of the comet, it blows it up (and they used an awesome analogy of closing your hand on a firecracker, although I was extremely disappointed when I saw that nobody’s hand was actually blown off) So I was thinking we get all the nukes in the world, put them in one space ship, send it to the moon, drill to the core, and blow it straight to hell!

I have it all in these diagrams:

I think you get the idea.

Now, these ideas don’t come cheap. The cost of materials is at least 5 trillion dollars, and the cost of using my ideas (PATENT PENDING!) is 4 trillion, with a total cost of whatever 5 trillion plus 4 trillion is. I also want one of the alien spaceships you guys keep at Area 51. It all sounds pretty reasonable to me.

I look forward to your response,

b4nd1t